


I Can’t Go On Without You

by BitchImaWriteritsalldrama



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little angst, Canon verse, Dean/cas wedding, Destiel - Freeform, Fix It, Fluff, Happy Ending, Im not amazing at tags but I’m trying, Multi, Rewrite, sam and eileen both die and get married instead of blurry wife, they all die but like in a good way?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:49:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29503674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitchImaWriteritsalldrama/pseuds/BitchImaWriteritsalldrama
Summary: Dean had died so many times, but he never dwelled on the thought of a world without his angel because he couldn’t. Cas had died many times too, yet even living since the beginning of time, he couldn’t bare to think of a world without his hunter. Neither wanted to see the other die and yet they both would, they’d both live in a world without the other. Dean would see Cas sacrifice himself yet again for him, Cas would see Dean die for the world he loved, and yet maybe there was still hope...or maybe not.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 8





	I Can’t Go On Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This is a re-work of my other post from valentines, its the same story and main plot an everything but its a whole lot more put together, much less of a disaster. I changed the title and a few coherency problems along with the usual spelling and grammar mistakes. Anyway, I really enjoyed writing this fic even if I did have to do it twice :)  
> I hope you love it!!

Its been 12 years since Dean was raised from hell and put together again atom by atom. 12 years since Castiel fell for a human. Its been years since Cas noticed he had renounced heaven for dean, years since he figured out that he was no longer an angel of heaven, he was deans angel, deans protector. It’s been years since Dean noticed he loved his best friend, years since he’d decided to squash his feelings away in a dark corner. It has been almost a decade since Cas betrayed dean, since Cas crushed Dean’s heart. Its been 8 years since the leviathans killed Cas, 3 years since Lucifer killed him, 12 years since he died the first time. Time and time again they were killed and resurrected, death was never final. They had been there for each other through everything, they broke when the other died, cried when they came back. They’d come back so many times, they never thought that one day it would be permanent. After 12 years of friendship, of unrequited love, of pining and longing gazes, of bitching and hugging, of dying and living, after 12 years together, they knew never to take eachother for granted. That didn’t mean they were prepared for when death did stick. They never thought they’d have to. Death was an idea, it was something that happened to other people, you can’t die if you’ve already been dead, right? They learned the hard way that they were wrong. After 12 years of being practically married, 4 years of raising a kid together, after betrayals and redemptions, after grief and comfort, after everything they’d gone through they didn’t get the life they deserved. Dean had died so many times but he never dwelled on the thought of a world without his angel because he couldn’t. Cas had died many times too, yet even living since the beginning of time, he couldn’t bare to think of a world without his hunter. Neither wanted to see the other die and yet they both would, they’d both live in a world without the other. Dean would see Cas sacrifice himself yet again for him, and Cas would see Dean die for the world he loved, and yet maybe there was still hope...or maybe not.  
***  
“Dean!” Sam shouted sliding to his knees next to his brother, “Dean, where’s cas?” Sam asked quietly, while gently shaking a sobbing Dean.  
“He’s gone Sam, He’s gone.” Dean said, his face red, his eyes shining with tears.  
“What do you mean he’s gone?”  
“He made a deal Sam and the empty-it took him-and Billy- he sacrificed himself for me.” Sam pulled his brother into a hug,  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Sam he said it.” Dean said still crying, Sam nodded knowingly and continued to hug him.

It would only be a matter of weeks before a resurrected Cas would have to watch Dean die too.

“I’m so proud of you Sammy.”  
“Please don’t go.” Sam said crying,  
“It’s okay Sam, I love you, it’s all going to be okay.” Dean said, taking his last breath.  
“I love you too.” Sam breathed, he collapsed against his brother, his role model, the person that was there for him when no one else was, and cried.

Little did Sam know that he wouldn’t be okay.

“No! Eileen!” Sam shouted as his girlfriend got stabbed through the heart, in his shock and grief he didn’t notice as his own vision faded to blackness.  
***  
In heaven, things would be different. Under the knew god, things would be different. Now sam could live happily ever after, he could leave hunting, marry Eileen, have kids, a white picket fence. Dean looked out over the river and felt the life drain out of him, he was dead, he couldn’t die again. He felt a presence behind him and his heart fell out of his chest. He put on a brave face, concealing the horror he felt,  
“Hiya Sammy.” He said, he turned and hugged his little brother and tried to conceal how horrid he felt, how angry, how sad, he felt that his brother didn’t get all he deserved.  
“I’m sorry.” Sam wispered, pulling away from dean, then he said in his normal voice, “have you seen everyone yet?” They got in the car to do their rounds and talk to their enormous family.  
They loved their family and their family loved them, but that meant they were close to Dean and Sam and could tell when something was wrong. They saw the facade Dean put up, saw the emotions threatening to spill over. They said nothing but gave small sad looks to Sam and even sadder looks to Dean. When Dean had had enough, he hastily said goodbye and left Sam with their family. He drove for a while, not knowing what he’d find, only hoping to be further away from his emotions, to try to out run his thoughts and feelings. He knew it was only a matter of time before he would stop running so he parked the car on the side of the road and walked through acres of prairie to a large tree growing in the middle of the flowers and grasses. He sat, leaning against the tree and thought about everything, he felt everything, he experienced everything. He let the tears fall, let the emotions wash over him, and before long he was shaking, wracked with sobs, unable to close the gate he’d opened. This was the first time in his entire life, and after life, that he’d really let himself feel and understand everything and it’s overwhelming. He turns his thoughts towards Cas, thinking about the happy memories they made together, thinking about the way his smile lights up the room, about how he’s an angel the size of the Chrysler building and yet he is the most awkward being Dean has ever met. Dean let out a watery laugh, feeling himself calming down with every memory, with every thought. He feels his scar burn, but he pays it no attention.  
***  
Cas appears on the edge of the meadow watching dean sit in the middle, just feeling. He sees the emotion pouring off of dean, the colors spilling over the meadow. He watches as bubbles of emotion pours off of him, changing color with his emotions. He watches contemplating whether or not to answer the prayers. He slowly walks through the meadow to the tree and silently sits down next to Dean.  
“Hi.”  
“Hello dean.”  
“Bobby said you helped.” Dean said, steadily ignoring the heat rising in his cheeks from Cas’ arm pressing against his,  
“I did.” They sat in silence for a while, cas letting dean emote. He tried not to say anything, but after a while he couldn’t, “Dean you’re praying to me.” Cas said with a small smile,   
“I’m not.” Dean said slightly confused,  
“You’ve been thinking about me. Why?”  
“Have not.” Dean snapped, his cheeks flaring bright red,   
“We both know that’s a lie.” Cas said rolling his eyes. When Dean didn’t respond Cas stayed quiet.  
When Dean had let everything out, every memory, every emotion, everything, the colors floated around, filling the meadow and coloring the flowers and grasses around them. Cas touched Dean’s arm and watched as Dean stared in wonder at the colors he could now see. Cas got up to allow Dean space as the prayer had gotten quieter, not silent but quiet. Dean stood up with him and out of nowhere pulled cas into a hug, not a platonic pat on the shoulder and handshake kind of hug but a meaningful, chick flick hug. Dean’s arms where wound around Cas’ neck, while Cas’ were around deans waist. Dean pulled away slightly but didn’t loosen his grip on the angels neck, he looked at him, looked straight into the ocean of blue that he easily got lost in. Cas met Dean’s piercing green eyes and saw the emotions behind them, the thoughts, the feelings, but he couldn’t quite place them. Dean saw the flicker of hope in the angels eyes that quickly faded into sadness, to pity. Dean dropped his gaze and turned away, his hand trailing down Cas’ arm as he did. As his hand reached Cas’ wrist he felt Cas yank him back around, facing him. They stood close together, still staring into each others eyes, Dean had planted his other hand on Cas’ chest when he spun. Cas still held deans wrist with one hand and the other was gripping his waist. He held dean’s gaze and broke down his walls, letting Dean see everything he was feeling in that moment and pressed a tentative kiss on his lips. Dean just continued to look at him, slightly shocked, then he grabbed Cas’ face with both hands and pulls him into a heated, open mouthed kiss that didnt break for quite a while.  
“You really love me?” Dean asked, having seen Cas’ fond and loving look,  
“Of course I do, always have.” Cas said, resisting the urge to break eye contact and stare at his feet. He tapped his fingers on Dean’s waist nervously before Dean grabbed his collar and pulled him into another kiss.  
“I love you too.” He whispered.  
***  
Time is different here, in heaven a sun and moon rise and fall but on earth seconds or years go by. On earth it could have been two seconds or twenty years, but Dean and Cas didn’t care. They lived together now, as Cas spent most of his time at Dean’s house anyway. He had officially moved in a while ago, but they still hadn’t gotten used to it.  
Dean woke up and rolled over expecting to find Cas only to meet a cold, empty side of the bed. He jolted up and grabbed his gun from his nightstand drawer, old habits die hard. He ran around the house, panicked and no longer tired, it only took him 10 minutes(ish) but even that was too long. Finally he found Cas standing in their kitchen humming to himself, his speaker playing quietly, as he tried to make breakfast. Cas looks up as he hears the quiet click of Dean placing the gun on the counter, he didn’t look up from the pancakes, but could feel the worry coming off of dean.  
“Sorry I wasn’t there.” He said quietly as dean wrapped his arms around Cas from behind and kissing his neck.  
“Thank you for trying to make breakfast,” Dean said turning the angel around and pressing him into the counter slightly. “But if you don’t stop cooking right now and get your cute little ass back to the bedroom, I might ravish you here.” He said, his voice low and tinged with lust.  
“In front of the pancakes?” Cas asked laughing. He turned off the stove and grabbed Dean’s hand, pulling him in the general direction of their room.   
As they walked through the doorway from the kitchen to the hall, Dean stopped to kiss Cas lightly. Cas responded by pushing dean against the door frame and kissing him, quickly licking past Dean’s lips. He threaded his fingers through Dean’s hair a pulled gently, Dean groaned into his mouth while working Cas’ shirt off. He separated from Cas, leaning against the doorframe further, smiling as Cas chased his lips, he licked his lips and stared at Cas’ chest, then his eyes flicked back to the angel’s lips. He pulled him back into the kiss, and hummed appreciatively as Cas kissed down his neck, pulling back the faded band tee from his shoulders.  
When they were both stripped down to their boxers dean pulled away again, this time grabbing Cas’ hand and attempting to pull him the rest of the way to the bedroom, only for Cas to grab his face and kiss him. They slowly walked-well, stumbled- to their bedroom.  
***  
Quite some time later, Dean stepped out of the shower, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He laughed at the way Cas pouted and groaned at his ‘modesty’. He stood at the sink, staring at himself in the fogged up mirror and thought for a moment before writing something in the condensation with his finger.  
“I’m going to go finish making breakfast. I love you.” He calls over the noise of the running water. Dean walked into his bedroom and dried his hair as he picked out a pair of patterned sweats.  
He made breakfast-brunch- in only his sweatpants, and danced around the kitchen singing along to Jo’s REO playlist. After the pancakes were ready, the strawberries were cut, and munched on slightly, he heard Cas scream, a very un-Cas like scream, so he went running back to their room. Dean ran into the bathroom to find Cas, a towel around his waist and another in a forgotten towel turban in his hair.  
“Dean?! Really?!” He asked breathlessly,  
“That wasn’t how I intended to do it, but I-uh- sort of hoped it would be gone by the time you got done.” He said looking at the ground,  
“Are you serious though?”  
“Yeah, like come on, I love you so much, and we already bicker like an old married couple. I just want to marry you so badly, because-well because we can and, cas, we have all of eternity.”  
“Then, yes, of course, I’ll marry you.” Cas said, pulling dean into a breathtaking kiss, he tasted like strawberries and chocolate.  
“Oh! I have a ring.” Dean said pulling away and running to a loose floor board by their bed, Cas put his face in his hands and sighed,  
“Dean one floorboard over.” Cas said as Dean pulled out one, then two ring boxes.  
“Are we idiots?”  
“That was already answered a while ago, pining for 12 years, really?” Cas said laughing. They slipped each other’s rings on, one was silver with a band of jade down the center the other had blue moonstone down the center.  
***  
They attended Sam and Eileen’s wedding that day with their rings worn proudly, only half heartedly trying to not steal the happy couples’ thunder. Sam and Eileen of course were perfectly happy to share their special day with them. Dean and Cas walked down the aisle with Charlie and Meg, as their family consisted of many a demon, they needed to be allowed into heaven. Rowena just liked to fuck with John, so did everyone else.   
***  
Dean was walked down the aisle at his own wedding -at the Roadhouse of course- by Rowena. Cas spends the entire ceremony trying not to cry, and Dean starts bawling when Cas reads his vows. Both of their vows are simple, not showy but sweet, just a confirmation of their love for one another. By the time they said ‘I do’ both were in tears, and when they kiss they can’t let go of one another, not because either is afraid of loosing the other, but just because they don’t have to let go if they don’t want to.  
***  
A classical rendition of Stairway to Heaven plays in the background of Dean and Cas’ first dance, as they sway back and forth, their arms around each other. They fit together perfectly, Dean’s head on Cas’ shoulder, his arms around his husband’s neck, while Cas burries his face in Dean’s neck, holding him close. After the song ends, they part slightly, foreheads resting together, basking in their happiness. Dean places a gentle kiss on Cas’ lips and pulls away, their hands clasped between them. The next song plays and Cas gets pulled away by Mary, and Dean by Ellen. Each mother figure gets a turn to dance with both of their boys, and no one complains, though Rowena hogs Dean a bit, and Jodi just rolls her eyes and twirls him away from her. After Jodi, Donna, Rowena, Ellen, and Mary have danced with both Cas and Dean, Bobby shuffles over to the dance floor and pulls them into a hug. He grabs Dean’s shoulders and yanks him away again as Sam steals Cas.  
“You be good to him boy.” He says, dancing-I KNOW!- with Dean, “or I’ll kill you myself.”  
“I’m not planning on it, but I’m sure Cas would get to me first.” He says chuckling. A similar exchange takes place between Sam and Cas, though that conversation had been had a few times already. On one memorable occasion, after Dean had yelled at Cas, sam had locked them in a room together and screamed at them that they were family until they stopped fighting. He had let them out of the room only after he threatened to kill them if they hurt each other, in any way, again. The song ended and Sam and Bobby walked off the dance floor, the later muttering ‘Idjits’ under his breath.   
Everyone in their very large family got onto the dance floor and partied for a very long time, drinking a lot. They had red velvet lava cakes, curtesy of Ellen, and a wedding cake made out of pie for the couple to cut which made Dean very very happy. They all drink too much, dance the night away, and talk and laugh and reminisce, all in all a damn good time.  
***  
Somewhere around a year later on what they decided was their first wedding anniversary, Cas and the family arranged a surprise for Dean. He walked into the house and found suitcases packed, copious amounts of sunblock on the counter and more than one floppy sun hat.  
“Cas?” Dean called out to a seemingly empty house, “Cas?” He called again, this time cas walked down the stairs and around the corner with two swimsuits, a bottle of whiskey, hand cuffs, and a few pairs of flip flops.  
“Hey honey, I’m taking you on a vacation.” Cas said stuffing the items into an opened bag,  
“Why?”  
“We never got a proper honeymoon so I decided now is as good a time as ever.”  
“Cas, it’s our anniversary, sort of, still havent gotten used to the time, but you didn’t have to do all this.”  
“You’re getting to go to the beach like you’ve always wanted, no exceptions.” Dean smiled at his husband, kissed him and walked to the living room to survey the rest of the stuff that needed to be packed, “Oh and don’t forget, we have to be back in time for movie night with Jodi and the family.” Cas hollered from the second floor where he was gathering probably unnecessary clothing.  
***  
After two weeks at the beach, Dean had acquired the habit of staring at the tan line on his ring finger when he showered, he liked to kiss Cas’ finger constantly, just staring in wonderment at his husband, even saying that sent shivers down his spine. They had been married for a bit more than a year now and Dean never thought he’d get tired of Cas saying his name, or calling him husband, or their pet names.  
Their lives didnt totally revolve around their marriage though as Cas had to keep miracling new bedrooms in their house as thier family members seemed to keep moving in. It sort of turned into a TARTIS, bigger on the inside. Each family member had their own room, separate from their room of course, for...reasons. Most of the family had a closet full of clothes, pictures, and mementos, in their room, and Claire and Kaia seemed to constantly be painting. Their family spent lots of time with them as they could only spend so long away from them. They all did have their own homes, but their second favorite place was Jodi’s.  
Dean was in the kitchen getting out some ice cream when he heard a knock at the door,  
“Its open!” He hollered, then, “Hey husband! Door!” He yelled in the general direction of thier upstairs bedroom. Cas appeared in front of him a placed an opened mouthed kiss on his lips,  
“I love it when you call me husband.” Cas said smiling. He went and opened the door, even though it was already unlocked.  
“Hey cas!” Sam said walking through the door and hugging him, Eileen stood behind him, very pregnant. (Why can’t the afterlife be normal?)  
“Eileen!” Dean said cheerily, hugging her and handing her the pint of ice cream. She took it happily, took a large spoonful, then handed it back to Dean.  
“Ready for movie night?” Sam asked as Dean grabbed his and Cas’ coat, along with a large container of cookies. They got into the Impala, Dean and Eileen in the front seat, still sharing ice cream, and drove to Jodi’s.

They walk in as the girls are bickering about which movies to watch and greet the family that had arrived. Most of them were already there, but some weren’t so Dean and Cas got comfy on the couch. Dean cuddled on the couch against Cas, his head on Cas’ shoulder, knees in his lap. Jack had his head in Cas’ lap where Dean’s knees weren’t and sprawled out on the couch, feet curled under Sam’s legs. Sam and Dean were bickering about rom coms with Kaia and Claire who were sitting on the ground together. Jodi walked in and threw containers of popcorn at people and turned on the rom com the boys and Claire and Kaia were bickering about. A few in the group complained, but when it was over everyone was eager to watch another.  
After hours of watching classic rom coms, Dean steals the remote and turns on LOTR, no one complains so they end up watching all of them. Since they were watching movies with god, in heaven, in a house that on the outside looked like it couldnt hold that many people, sitting through 10-24 hours of movies is the least interesting thing.   
After watching all three hobbit movies, they scroll through netflix and find a fantasy YA show and they watch that, the argument being, that its a mix of the genres and no one has to speak of that night again.  
For a life of suffering, they all deserve an afterlife of rom coms and family dinners and weddings and happiness, and after everything they’d gone through they didn’t get the life they deserved. That never meant they couldn’t get what they deserved in the afterlife, that didn’t mean they couldnt get their happy ending-or shall i say, beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! Feel free to leave kudos and comments, they’re always appreciated!   
> Have a wonderful rest of your day/night/whatever, its the sentiment that counts. ❤️


End file.
